SomaQuest

One Thing I Learned Recently

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 09:06:30 -0500

It’s the kind of phone call you dread.

My cellphone rang yesterday morning. It was sitting right by me, not lost in the bottom of my purse, or left in the car.

I answered and heard the voice of an acquaintance. She said she was sorry to call with bad news. Our mutual friend had collapsed at home. Her husband found her on the floor and had been unable to revive her. Our friend was dead, she said.

We exchanged a few teary words, requests for information, promises of help and support. Shock, disbelief, confusion.

I always feel uncomfortable when I read a story like this, and I feel a bit frustrated in writing it.To write about her, her interests, her life, or her family seems strangely exploitive. To write about how her death has affected me seems stupidly narcissistic.

Ah, Narcissus! Self-absorbed little brat of lore, who couldn’t stop admiring his own reflection in the pond. ZAP! he got turned into the flower that bears his name. There’s a cautionary tale for you! Narcissus, archetype of the self-absorbed, hoarded the reflection for his own admiration.

But here’s my question for the morning — if you share your reflections — or the act of reflection — doesn’t the sharing take on a deeper meaning? Does this sharing actually “prevent” narcissism from taking root? By sharing reflections, we have a basis for empathy, understanding, perhaps even intimacy.

My friend was the consummate hostess in every situation. She welcomed everyone, everywhere, and drew them in with her laughter, wide-ranging conversation, and always fabulous food. Wherever she was, there would be a party — or it would feel like one. She had recently begun to train to become a Feldenkrais teacher — work that had helped her to recover from back pain while living abroad, listening to recordings of my lessons. She threw herself into the process of learning via immersion, eager to learn and know and do all she could to benefit from the work and share it with others. As I talk to some of her other friends, this is how she approached everything. What a great way to be remembered!

Many friends from around the globe are reflecting publicly, posting their thoughts, prayers, and condolences on her Facebook page. How ironic that this contemporary tool, often held up as a flagrant contributor to the development of narcissistic personalities, should be used for such an ancient purpose. Apparently, we are made to connect with one another. Whether it is in person or through a computer screen, people are in pursuit of that basic human need. We will establish connection by any means available — and we miss the connection when it is gone.

Yesterday I enacted my habitual pattern for times of duress. I organized a telephone tree to notify members of our Feldenkrais training. I paid a short visit to my friend’s daughter. And I did my own work— lots and lots of work.. My new behavior is letting the emotion and the words come when they will. This piece is part of that process.

What started this train of thought? Monday morning routine database management before sending my newsletter. I saw her name, clicked on it. I selected “Remove from list.” The other choice was “Unsubscribe.” A little info widow popped up that said, “This action is irreversible. It cannot be undone. Do you wish to proceed?”

Now the tears are flowing. I couldn’t do it. Not this morning. I can deal with her death, but banishing her to the “Do Not Send” list? Isn’t that worse, somehow? Not worse for her, finally free of email madness — but much, much worse for me. I’m not quite ready to let her go yet.

So I learned, once again, that emotions WILL find their way into expression. Occasions to feel grief and sorrow come on their own — we don’t have to seek them, nor create them for others. However, in their presence, there is such sweetness in remembering the fan - f@#!-ing-tastic times I had with my friend.

An Eye-Opener

Sat, 28 Aug 2010 16:37:16 -0500

As I think over the recent past, the biggest “eye-opener” was reading the book, “Cradle to Cradle” by William McDonough. The book was a delightful surprise.

I read this book after watching the author’s TED Talk. <http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/william_mcdonough_on_cradle_to_cradle_design.html>

I had recently started to visit TED.com regularly, and I challenged myself to watch something once a week from someone I had never heard of, and in a subject area I was not familiar with. I like to think of myself as someone who is a thinker, a “creative”, and open-minded in my search for information. It seemed that I should put my time and attention where my mouth was!

For some reason, I decided to take a chance on his talk. He is not flashy or particularly charismatic as a speaker. However, his quiet intensity and his vision for the world drew me in as if by a magnet.

I won’t try to explain or summarize his talk, because some of the tags or buzz-words might cause you to have a stereotypic view of him or his subject — either rejecting it out of hand, or assuming you already know all there is to know about the subject. I WILL say that, after seeing the TED talk, I leaped (yes, leaped!) out of my chair and said, to nobody in particular: “Why doesn’t EVERYBODY know about this?????” I began telling almost everyone I know about the video. Their eyes glazed over. Good thing I am sort of used to that…

My partner and I host a book salon in Houston, TX, and shortly after we found the TED Talk, we chose this book as the monthly selection. The book is made to be completely recycleable. That tidbit will make more sense after you watch the video.

Cradle to Cradle opened my eyes to the fact that even though HUGE problems may seem to be looming on the horizon — it is possible that most people are completely unaware of them. Even more importantly, I learned that there are people who have it covered. People who are creative, dedicated, brilliant, and who are working on solutions. We need to let them DO IT.

It also opened my eyes to an obvious realization: if the methods I already know about have not solved a particular problem — they probably won’t. I am increasingly open to the notion that a solution will be in a direction I have not explored. In other words, the solution is most likely something I don’t know about — YET. Unknown, new, never-been-tried-before — What better reason to keep learning?

The biggest outcome from this eye-opening has been the creation of an almost insatiable appetite for new ideas: Ideas that are positive, constructive, active, and solution-based. My best advice? If there is an event like TED in your community (Houston has The UP Experience and TEDxHouston, along with numerous other lecture series), give yourself a gift and go to it! Go to it ESPECIALLY if you think it is outside of your area of expertise. You will meet some wonderful people, you will be inspired, and you will take new and intelligent actions in your own life. Go get ‘em.

MaryBeth D. Smith is the Founder and Director of The Feldenkrais Center of Houston. She is a nationally-recognized expert in the area of natural performance improvement for performing artists and athletes. With over 20 years experience teaching in business, university, and community settings, she now uses the Feldenkrais Method to help people improve their self-image, function, and enjoyment in movement and in life.

The MD Anderson Cancer Center presents weekly classes at its...

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:16:03 -0500

The MD Anderson Cancer Center presents weekly classes at its Place… of wellness in Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement. Feldenkrais teacher MaryBeth Smith, of the Feldenkrais Center of Houston, explains the value of the Method for people whose lives have been touched by cancer.